I’m in it, so I can’t see it

So blogging about this now, it must have gotten bad.

Today I’m feeling all the stress in my life. Usually day’s take turns. Some days it’s financial, some days it’s unmet life goals, some days its romance, the list continues. Today, it’s all at once. Let me tell you, there are no magic pills or bottles that make the stress of a seemingly insurmountable challenge go away.

To avoid being another depressed person writing a blog (no offense intended to those who are/do, it can be therapeutic, cathartic, and healing) I want to focus on how people react to stressed out people. I mean to say, how do you engage someone you know who is stressed out?

Being a guy, I like to fix things. I spout off resources available to help with the problem. Hell, sometimes I throw in a little broscience or personal stories to make a positive outcome seem closer.

Women on the other hand tend to be more touchy feely. They tend to make it okay to be where you are and try to make that space better. Sometimes this is heading to the freezer for the on-call friends Ben and Jerry, other times its shopping or telling stories about other people who have it worse.

I know the above are stereotypes and not true for everybody. But, I think it’s at least recognizable.

After I watched recent ted talks of Brene Brown (A rock star of thinking):

I could see the other side of what she was speaking about. (If you didn’t watch the videos, she talks about shame and vulnerability, the latter of which she states is paramount to living wholeheartedly)

I explored within myself how I support others in their vulnerability. Said differently, how do I make it okay for people in my context to be vulnerable. And, what do I need to feel okay to be vulnerable?  [Okay, so, as I write that I just came to the realization that I just asked how to feel less vulnerable so I can be vulnerable. I’ll be thinking on that.]

I took a week and tried to figure out what I do to make others comfortable. I use self-deprecating remarks, jokes, and other actions. I try to make myself the poster child of screwing up and still surviving and even thriving. Now, I don’t think of myself (or assert myself ) as a person who exemplifies ‘the way’ ‘the best’. I see myself as someone who can get through most challenges with a good google search and a bit of luck.

I hope to show others, that, as a regular guy you can screw up, laugh and learn it off, and then pick up and go on.

Now, to speak to the title, for some reason I cannot see what I hope to be portraying to others. I walk around feeling like I’m defined by the defeats and failures and not seeing what I’ve learned or the opportunities I’ve just had to laugh at myself.

It’s unique to have a goal to do something for others that I am not willing to do for myself.

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